I have decided that I am a complete animal and by animal I mean I am a total wreck from an entire Winter’s worth of lack of sleep. Someone who is as dedicated to an over abundance of ambition as I have been since the day I was born and bartering for Mickey D’s toys to up-sell for Collector’s Edition Barbie Dolls that I otherwise was never allowed to have, I have been working hard for the things that I wanted or to get out of trouble for things I had already done (aka my debts to others, right?) but Winter is where my hibernation comes into play. Winter is my slow season, my down time, my Summer-break and by Summer I really mean WINTER. Although I enjoy Winter sports, my outdoor activities are still lazy in comparison to my March through October schedule. There’s really nothing I can or am willing to do to match the level of activity I put myself through during these warmer months until I ask myself, is it really Winters fault?
Last year I had a season pass to Canyons Resort. I went snowboarding 18 times and even picked up boarding by myself later in the season when no one had the availability of going with me. New board, new boots, new bindings, full pass – I dove into an entirely new hobby. From Swiss Days in September to baseball games in October to yoga nights and boarding weekends through movie dates, a new found love for hockey and a weekend Memorialized by the Press Pass advantage of Superbike World Champions, and a Summer of more concert events and nights of Thai food, coffee break and Moto Mondays then I can possibly keep to my memory – I stayed busier and happier than I could realize.
This is no fault of Winter and this hibernation is not seasonal to weather so much as it is seasonal to the need for a reality-check. Maybe it is that slap to the face psychological abandonment issue that needs to be talked about – ya know, the more pressing reality that the above paragraph can be laced with a series of friendships or relationships just as easily as it can with events and be exclaimed with the biblical-like point of, “And then… there was none.”
The absence is needed, unanticipated and the lack of feeling in the end is truly a surprise. I would think this would give me the motivation for the new direction I desire – these unknown places that would no longer be recycling; that would call for new adventure and the ability to move forward to new places in family, career, and self-discovery. Aside from the power of education and career motivation, I feel stagnant and unsure of what to do. Maybe I am taking baby steps? Maybe my abilities to reach outside of the box and desire these new changes for business are my evidence? These are significant and deep desires to be so completely done with this level I have achieved, but I only have a glimpse of the reality for what’s next and not a girlish dream. In my adult life I am quick to discard the hearsay of dreams and effervescent planning. Everyone wants to get married. Everyone wants to be best in show. Prove it!
I am not sure whether I should croon or cringe that Spring is in the air. My life is revving at the start line of another busy season. My break is over. This is my subconscious moment of whether this will be my distraction season or my action season. And if this is my time to make it happen for discovering myself within the madness, where do I start? Where do I end?
Filed under: Daily Life, Self Healing, canyons resort, discovering myself, hibernation, madness, winter break, world superbike
