Salt City (a freewrite)

Salt City was my original ifIcanmakeitthere.  Salt City was my jumping board to that place, any place, the place called anywhere.  In truth, ti’s anywhere but here.  Salt City is where I am in life.  It’s being comfortable and being stuck.  Half part limbo.  Half part wishful thinking.  Salt City has come to represent everything I love and still being dangerously close to everything I hate – the reminders of lives past.  Here, I am the happiest I have ever been.  Here, I found an inevitable love for someone greater than myself.  Here I was once saved by a yoga class and then again by a lonesome day wandering the untouched powdery mountain scape with nothing more than my board and a soundtrack.  Here is a place I’ve lost out to.  I’ve been left alone.  I’ve died.  I’ve lost too many chances to say goodbye.  I’ve buried my mother and failed at a dozen things only I refer to as past relationships.  I’ve gotten away only to come back to this edge; this little big city where once upon a time, everyone knew my name and no one really knew me.

Salt City is where I was born.  It’s 15 miles from the loneliest parts of my life and as many as 25 years from the worst things that have ever happened to me.  Salt City is my save grace, my misrepresentation, and my unguided democracy.  Salt City is easy to forget and hard to replace although it shouldn’t be.  It’s an attachment to success and a chance at survival.  It’s looking for something I’ll never have here.

Here I’ve wasted some of the greatest parts of my life with the wrong people at the right time.  Here things are all mixed up.  I graduated to something lesser.  I took survival over happiness.  I tried everything once just to prove I could quit it.  But I can’t quit right here.  Not this.  Not now.  Now it’s time to quit you, Salt City.  It’s time to quit your bitter taste.  You’re bad for me Salt City.  It’s time to look at you like the halfway house that you are.   You’ve done so much for me Salt City.  You’ve turned me out on the coldest nights.  You’ve taken me in and given me back my life.  But you’re just a half way house, a half way point and a misguided representation of how far I’ve come.  So it’s my time to quit you, my time to move on.  It’s my turn to be in a place where bad memories don’t surround me and my freedom consists of more than the safety of concrete walls.  It’s my time to fly. My turn to say goodbye to all the shouldhavebeens and nevershouldbes.  From here on out I’m in a new place, in a new light with a short lived past and a confident source of presence.  I’m moving to the future.  I’m getting out of here Salt City, out from under your hold on me.  Goodbye to all the memories and the ill-remembered towns that surround me.  Goodbye to the years I’ve forgotten who couldn’t forget me.  I choose to live.  I choose to be outside of you.  I’ve moved on from the “used to” and being used, too.  This is my city now.  My town.  My future.  My repaved roads that all lead to somewhere.  These are my experiences, my success and my ability to make it anywhere.  Salt City, I am you and you are me.  If I can make it here.  I can make it anywhere.

15 minute freewrite practice based on “Describe Salt Lake City.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s