It’s inevitable that the sudden desire to write surfaces at inopportune times. It is as if the looming inner voice, always reaching for a story or narrating my life from a subconscious background, waits to be ignored before proving it is that one relationship I just can’t live without. She comes out most often while I’m driving or just about to fall into a deep sense of disappearance others like to refer to as “sleep”. By the time I get to a place to make a note, to commit an idea to memory and perhaps even put fingers to keys – it’s gone.
It’s too bad really. I’m sure that last idea was brilliant and possibly even something I can’t live without. But she’s disappeared again. I think, in part, it’s a tantrum. For how busy I have been and the dwindling levels of attention given to “writing time,” she ignores me when I need her and overwhelms me when I can’t deal with it right now!
If that’s any evidence of my future parenting skills, I’ll take it as a sign that I should wait a while… a long while.
There’s really only one thing to do with a girl throwing a tantrum, especially when that girl is (just) an inner voice strapped to a circling thought pattern. I have to write it out of her; write until I remember what it is I had to say. It may take a while. In fact, it may never resurface again, and for that, I have to force myself to believe that it probably wasn’t that great of a story anyway.
Until then… at least I can say I was here. At least I can say that I’ve written some level of something.
I guess I’ll just ask, how are you today?
|This post has been brought to you by Lavazza Qualito Oro from the #Coffice of Caz. Are You With Caz*?